Tears on my Pillow/Wisdom in my Heart

pillow tears

I cried myself to sleep so many times I’ve lost count. Although I remain to be a very upbeat joyful positive person most of the time, there are occasions when the little girl that resides within me cries out for someone to look, understand and accept her for who she really is. She wants someone to take care of her, love and respect her, and treat her with a sense of grace and dignity. It’s hard to explain all the details and underlying reasons for this, I just know it was emotionally painful for a long time. How on earth could I have the felt less than who I really am? Why does anyone think less of themselves? Where on the path did I pick up these lies about me? Why the heck did I believe them so darn long? There is really no blame here, just awareness. This awareness has led me on a journey to find out why and what is really happening inside of me.

I now understand that the real answer lies in how I look and feel about me. How do I look at myself in the mirror everyday? How does the outside world see me? When I love me, respect me and take care of me, those inner negative feelings disappear; they melt away, just like ice on a hot day. If I see myself as “fat’ the world sees me as fat. When I berate and criticize myself the world does the same. Do you ever call yourself stupid or clumsy? Do you berate yourself without realizing it? It’s a terrible way to view one of God’s most precious assets. YOU! Would you berate a child, and criticize them.. tearing away their self esteem with harsh words.You would be helping them to believe they are not worthy. That is exactly what I was doing little by little.. Not an empowering way to live life is it? We in a sense are truly children, children of a higher power and it’s hard to thrive when we beat ourselves up on a daily basis.

Now I know better. Love yourself just as you are. What ever we feel about us or anyone else all comes down to energy patters that can keep us in or out of balance within our mind, body and spirit. We can either feel wonderful or we can replay that viscous cycle of negativity and disharmony with us. We are energetic beings, and our thought and feeling patterns vibrate at certain levels. If I do not accept myself on the inside, I send those vibrations out to the world, I don’t even have to say anything, all I have to do is feel this in my emotional makeup, and these vibrations are then picked up by other people via a complex energy system which resides in our being. If you really want to delve into this further, there is a wealth of information that explains in further detail.
For purposes of this chapter I will only defer to just one way of attracting good things in your life. Certainly other things exist within the principles of the Universe but I just Want to keep this easy to understand.
The “Law of Attraction” is just one example of how we attract what we are… The premise is that you’re going into the universe and you attract what you think and put your focused energy upon. Change your thoughts and you can change your life. When I began to feel more positive about myself and about things in my life, I attracted happier circumstances. This led to more opportunities in my career, better finances, a healthier well-being and more meaningful relationships.

Your world slowly starts to change from inside out because you’re focusing on the things that really matter and not the outside circumstances. We are an “inside jobs’ so to speak. What resides on the inside, deep within our subconscious plays out as our present life reality. We have been so conditioned to looking at everything on the outside we base our life on only what we can see, what is visible to the human eye. That truly is a big misunderstanding. Your outside represents what you are thinking and feeling and it then comes to you through our many experiences. If you want to change your life, you have to change your inside script, the thoughts, feelings and the energy you give to the. It would make the most sense to create thoughts that are in your highest good and best interest. This takes time, effort and a determination to truly find out how and what makes you tick. Are you willing to do that? Are you at a point in your life where you are not fulfilled? I was. So I took the time and perseverance to find out why? This book will detail in many chapters the ways I made changes to create a better life. Finally, one that I was much more proud of..

Do you maintain healthy thought patterns? “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself”- I’ve heard that quote many times and it makes perfect sense now. Step up and make a healthy choice, you deserve it. Or, you can just react to everything that gets thrown at you. When you live from a place of creating what you want,, your reality will change. Find out the reasons that you may be feeling miserable, sad, rejected unhappy etc. Accept it for what it is, then make a PROMISE yourself to forgive yourself and everyone else along the way. This is probably one of most life changing things. After that learn how to let all the past go. Don’t hold onto the past baggage it only weighs your heart, mind and body down. You will create a much happier and emotionally healthier you! Talk about FEEEDOM.The sense of peace you will get from releasing and opening your heart to new ways of thinking, living is amazing.


As I said in many chapters of this book, I was a fearful, insecure child; it took much effort and perseverance to want something better for myself. So at age 47 I then had to learn what made me tick, so to speak, I had to learn how to de-weed the large over grown my garden of my mind. It took learning how to plant healthy thought patterns (seeds), hen water, and consistently nurture all of the growth and development (reading, journaling, meditating learning how to be still with myself, etc.) I was determined to make it” my mission” to create happier and healthier thought patterns. I continue to do this every day and I see new flower blooming all the time.:)

Today and most days I am excited, open minded, funny, and so much more loving and compassionate, not only to me, but to others I touch. Once you understand this, you’ll have the potential to affect your health, spirituality, relationships, finances and overall emotional and physical well-being.

We are very powerful individuals, with so much potential we haven’t even realized. So many different books you read allude to the fact that we using only 5% of our brain or 10% of our brain but I truly think it’s less than that…

I first learned this when I listened to a few seminars about mind and the body relationship. I also took time to read about the principles that guide this universe every day. I learned how vibrations are in everything that exists. I learned that even a cup vibrates. Our hands, fingers, etc. all have vibration-“we are energetic beings’… How cool this was to learn. By no means do I claim to be well- knowledge in physics, but I found these things to be mind- blowing to say the least. One thing that really stuck with me was that our words, our thoughts and our feelings vibrate. There is much information available to anyone on energy and vibration of the body. Many books on the subject exist and I just kept reading till I understood the basic concepts.

Knowing this, I am much more aware of my words to myself and others. Since I always desire good things to occur in my life, I have to resonate (vibrate) good healthy thought patterns. I believe love vibrates somewhere over 522 Hz and “shame” vibrates somewhere around 200 Hz… I may not have all the number quite correct but these are just some rough figures that come to mind. Many physical ailments vibrate very low…
Wow this stuff really makes you think. High vibes, happy and healthier life…This makes sense.

Today I watch very little TV unless I feel it presents healthy vibrations that I want to resonate with. I listen to music that also holds higher levels of vibration. I spend time with like-minded people as my friends are an important part of my life. Your life is a result of what you choose to resonate with….How do you think.. you vibrate? Just look at you finances, relationships, and spirituality, physical and emotional well-being? All of which are a direct result of your thoughts, feelings and actions. It provides a clear picture of how you vibrate. The great thing here is… YOU CAN CHANGE IT IF YOU WANT TO!
I desperately wanted to and I did. You can do this if you are committed to wanting a better life for yourself. Now you can be happy and that is what we all desire. Consider opening you heart up to change….Release the resistance to making changes, and now the door of opportunity awaits you. and you will be amazed at the results..

On this learning journey called life, some day a realization will come over you. it will tell you that you really do have all of your answers within yourself, not outside of you, but deep in your inner knowing. You will come to realize this when you reach your own type of spiritual awakening. Your answers lie deep within you. Knowing how to still your yourself enough to listen…

When I meditated I began to get in touch with my spirituality, my sense of self opened up, I had many inner conversations with myself. I asked questions and I got answers. Why was I so scared? what did I have to loose? So many roadblocks existed within me..ones that I didn’t realize I created.
It’s time to get our of you own way.. We consistently block ourselves from the good we all deserve. This in not on purpose, we just have faulty patterns within us from the past, so the time for change is now..

It was NOW time to find out answers. I had so many references (old stories playing inside myself) telling me I wasn’t supported. I had this feeling that I was on my own, with no help from anyone. Do you ever feel like this? I now know that could not have been furthest from the truth. We are always surround by life and love, it is only when you come from that mindset will you realize this truth.

One of many stories…

As a young girl I did not see my parents support me in emotional ways, as a teenager my confidence was so beneath the layers of shame and lack of self-love; I did not feel supported in any way. As a married women I did not feel emotionally supported by my husband, many times I felt alone in my decision making; just coping and wishing someone would listen to me and want to hear what I had to say.

But, the real truth was that I blocked, unconsciously of course, my own way. I did not know how to listen to me –on the inside. I had my answers all along, just as you do. I didn’t have the confidence within myself to dig deeper and listen to my gut. I had to remember, relearn, and create the confidence to now trust my instincts,
I am sure this may sound familiar to many of you. Or, are you blocking you own way and denying yourself of your own feelings? Are they so repressed inside safely hidden? That way you don’t have to deal with the pain an hurt that may come up. Believe me I know this place, and I had to go there because I was not giving up on me anymore… I wanted my answers..
In the world we live we become so conditioned to just following everybody else’s cues, we lose sight of our own values and worthiness and what feels true to us. We may think this is a safe place, but it is not. It is a false sense of security.

During your lifetime I hope you come to a point when you just know there is more, that to me…is the beginning of an awakening., Your soul is yearning for more,, please listen to it, be attentative to it,, but most of all….
love it, and nurture it, because your garden is crying out for de-weeding so you can live, love, and feel the freedom that comes with evolving to a much higher level of happiness, peace and joy

21 Responses to “Tears on my Pillow/Wisdom in my Heart”

  1. Colleen Tavares Says:

    Excellent. Very uplifting and true.


  2. Renee Cereby Says:

    loved it. very insightful and uplifting.


  3. Mccade Says:

    Alioazaam-informatakn found, problem solved, thanks!


  4. Arnie Says:

    Gee wiielklrs, that’s such a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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